Whew! Thanksgiving break came and left didn’t it? I know I’m not the only parent that loves to have her kids at home but at the same time is glad when they go back to school. Jayden was home for a whole week so It’s nice to get a break from getting up early to get kids ready, it’s nice to be able to do new activities, and it’s also nice to spend time doing nothing as a family. But after that second or third day your kids start becoming just a tiny bit annoying. I mean, they start annoying each other, and the age difference doesn’t even matter. Jayden can be minding his business and here comes Gabriel Giovanni to bother him, steal a couple Pokémon cards and take off running with them. So we try to do activities that aren’t our every day activities to keep them entertained. Thankfully we had a couple nice days so we were able to get some outdoor time too. The day is filled with laughs until one of them gets hurt or one off them is doing something the other doesn’t like. And then it becomes full of screams, whining, and even some crying. Sometimes you just have to walk away from those moments, and That’s when you call your husband and tell him he can have his kids. Am I right? No, but here are some of the activities we did to survive our Thanksgiving break with 3 little ones: •Taking a nice long walk •Made a salt dough project •Coloring •Target trips •Visited a local festival •Tried new recipes •Played video games •Shopped for ugly Christmas sweaters Overall, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And I’m actually looking forward to our longer Christmas break in a few weeks. I’m looking forward to everything except for the extra grocery money spent from my kids wanting to eat every hour for 2 weeks.
What are some of your favorite activities to do during breaks?
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It's the most wonderful time of the year. There's family, food, and the REAL meaning behind the holidays. As we begin our own family traditions, we look back at the traditions we had growing up. Here are four different perspectives of the holidays: 1. What was your favorite holiday tradition growing up? Prince- Growing up we had a tiny tree about a foot tall, but we had very nice ornaments on it. Mom spent more on the ornaments than the tree, but the tree was special to me because those ornaments were saved and we still have them to this day. It reminds me that it doesn’t matter how big the tree is or the cost of the gifts, the holiday is really about the small details of family and friends getting together. Steph- We didn't have many traditions. We kind of just winged it. I always enjoyed the bigger holidays, when we'd go to my uncles house for Thanksgiving and Christmas and eat with my entire extended family. I can honestly say I enjoyed the company over the gifts every single year. However, my dad used to allow us to open one gift on Christmas Eve and that was always exciting. Oh, and a live tree is a must! Stela- My favorite tradition would have to be split into two eras. The Central America era which was til I was 10 and then the North America era from then on out. Latinos are big on celebrating Christmas Eve, even more than Christmas Day. In El Salvador I loved getting my new outfit for Christmas Eve (yes this is a thing) and doing fireworks that night. Firework season there is Christmas to New Years. We usually went to church Christmas Eve and I always liked watching or being part of the Christmas play. Then once we got here, I looooved going to my aunt's house Christmas Eve, we would always have a big family dinner, and then open all our gifts exactly at midnight. Those were some of my favorite times. 2. What are you grateful your parents did around the holidays? Prince- I am grateful my parents celebrated Christmas despite our religious background. They didn’t want us to feel left out. Steph- Honestly, just making a way. I am the youngest of four and despite our economic status growing up, my parents always provided us with a good amount of gifts. (Except the time my brother broke some kids glasses and my parents had to take some of our gifts back to the store to pay for the glasses. Grr...Adam always tried to ruin my life. Lol) I am grateful my parents sacrificed to make sure we enjoyed the holidays more than anything. Stela- My parents sacrificed all year round. They still do for us and we are all grown up. We come from such a humble background yet my parents were always doing whatever they had to to make sure we had everything we needed as well as some wants. I don’t really think they needed to do anything differently during the holidays. 3. What do you want this season to be about? Prince- I want to focus on the small things... being off from work, eating good food, watching good NBA games, being around family and friends. Steph- Two years ago I decided to adopt a family for Christmas. With the help of Pat, Stela, Prince and several other friends we were able to give the family a brand new XBox, games, coats, shoes and some other toys and essentials. I have never been more proud. The holidays are about giving back. This year, we are "adopting" another family. This time, a single mother of seven kids. It really brings the meaning of the holidays back to the forefront. It's not about gifts, it's about the gift of Jesus Christ. Walking in his mission, we are touching a family in need. Eventually, I want to make this tradition even bigger. Maybe several families. Then, I will pass that down to my kids. Don't buy me or your dad gifts, let's buy for those in need. Stela- Giving. That’s what it’s about right? I do love the idea of adopting a family. I would also love the idea of serving others on that day. With my time. Maybe at a shelter or a place where they serve food to homeless people. 4. What do you not want it to be about? Prince- Money. People get wrapped up in not having enough money for gifts and food, it shouldn’t dictate how or if you celebrate. Steph- I HATE when I wait until the last minute, maybe Christmas Eve and run to the store to pick up a gift JUST TO SAY I GOT SOMETHING. It's the worst feeling ever. I don't want the holidays to be about getting someone something just because I am supposed to. Stela- Materialism. I don’t want my kids growing up and expecting a mountain of gifts. Patrick and I usually only buy them a couple of gifts. My kids have been blessed that they receive so many gifts from family members, and I’m thankful for that. But I don’t want them growing up expecting that. 5. What do you want to eat? Prince- *expletive* all of Ranna J’s food plus some. I grew up eating the Indian version of Soul food, which was trash. Steph- Just give me some turkey, honey-baked ham, stuffing, sweet potatoes drowned in marshmellows, Ranna's mac n cheese, pumpkin roll and pecan pie. Stela- #GimmeAllTheHispanicFood. I want Tamales, Pan con Pavo, Llomo Relleno, camote on en miel. I do remember my aunt would always make cheesecake and that was like a thing for me. From the American food I do enjoy a baked sweet potato casserole my mother in law makes. I also like “Dressing”, I think some people also call it “Stuffing”? 6. How will you manage splitting time between your spouse's family and your own? Prince- I’m fine with spending it with Stephanie’s family, since my family doesn’t really celebrate on the level that her family does. When we move back to Indianapolis and have a home of our own, I look forward to hosting all holidays so we can invite everyone and no one has to split time.
Steph- I am sort of blessed in that aspect. My husband's family is Sikh and they are Indian, therefore they don't celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas the same way Christian, Americans do. Last year, we introduced Prince's parents to a full Thanksgiving meal and they loved it. So, there is really no pressure there. They are invited to my mom's for Thanksgiving and we can all enjoy together. For Christmas, we will unwrap gifts with his niece and nephews and then head to my moms or grandparents for some Johnson family time. Stela- Thanksgiving is an adopted holiday for us since it’s not something we celebrate outside of the US. So our food is a little different for that holiday. Pan con Pavo does have turkey but that’s about the only thanksgiving type of food you’ll see. Let’s just say my husband wasn’t pleased. He wants his classic American meal. Sweet potatoes, baked macaroni and cheese, greens, and so on. So we’ve celebrated thanksgiving with his side off the family the last few years. Christmas season, we do Christmas Eve with my family since that’s our big holiday day, and then Christmas Day with his family. *We are asking any readers, if you would like to help, to give a couple of dollars or donate a gift or two for a family of 8 that we are providing Christmas for this year! Get with Stephanie, Prince, Stela or Pat if you're interested! Some changes have taken place at the Garner household this month. Both fortunately and unfortunately this mama has gone back to work. Fortunately because these bills need to be paid. After a 9 week maternity leave, I’ve been back at work for 3 weeks now. I could’ve taken 12 weeks total but I couldn’t afford 3 unpaid weeks this time around. With that being said, the support working mothers get in this country is extremely disappointing. I’m thankful my company offers 7 weeks of paid leave at 85% because I know there are many women that get paid less or don’t get paid at all for a maternity leave. There are also women going back to work at 4 weeks. A new mother I know is expected to go back to work 3 weeks after having a c-section because she hasn’t been at her company for a year. How crazy is that? Barely 3 weeks after having major surgery, and basically not much bonding time with her baby she is expected to report to work. Countries like Canada and Sweden offer their working mother's months of paid leave, but the “greatest country” does not. Remind me how we are gonna “make America great again”? Thankfully, again, my job is very accommodating. Not only am I able to work from home, but I also have very flexible hours. I work 5-11:30pm Monday-Thursday, 4-8pm Friday’s and 1-11:30pm Sunday’s. My husband works Monday- Friday 7:30-4pm. He takes over at that time so I can work. Pause- Let me take a second to brag about my husband. This man comes home after work to take care of his kids ( his 7 year old, an almost 2 year old toddler and an infant child) all by himself for the rest of the night. And a long night at that. I’ve shared before that Gabriel is our high needs child. The child doesn’t go to sleep by himself. I mean does he even believe in sleep? Many nights he is up til 11pm! Some evenings Patrick has even gone grocery shopping with all 3 kids while I work. I don’t think I’ve even done that. I actually feel pretty overwhelmed if I have to go anywhere with both of the 2 little ones on my own... so he’s the real MVP. Unpause. Because of my flexible hours, I work almost everyday. What life?? We live for Saturday’s so we can do things as a family and enjoy our lives. Even though it kinda sucks, this is what works for us during this stage of life. It allows me to be home with the little ones all day and be home when my school aged child gets on and off the bus. So my days are long and my nights are short. My day usually starts off at 6:45 am to help get Jayden ready and out the door, and continues all the day until around 12-1 am when I finally lay down to sleep. Between 6:45 am and 5pm my routine varies on a daily basis. There are days where I'm super productive and I feel like a great mom. There are also days where my house looks like crap and there are days when I don't do much. One day I may feel super energetic and clean, do chores, do activities with Gabriel, and then the next day I'm a complete Mombie (Mom+Zombie). And if I happen to catch a shower, then it's been a good day. I’ll get my “Normal” life back one day I’m sure. Our current lifestyle allows us to keep our kids out of daycare, which was a huge issue for Gabriel last year and saves us thousands of dollars. You read that right. THOUSANDS. The average cost of childcare in the US is 11k a year. That’s more than my yearly IUPUI college tuition! We were paying $205 a week for Gabriel last year and I have co-workers that were paying up to $320 a week. That’s over 1200 a month. I found it extremely sad when this lady in one of my Facebook groups was venting about how she wanted to have more kids but simply could not afford having multiple kids in daycare. Because who can afford 25k of daycare for 2 kiddos? Definitely not us. So here I am, writing this post while cooking dinner during the boys nap time. I make our dinner early, usually around 3 pm so that my family has something to eat each night, because I’m such a great mom and wife and all. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m not super mom. I don’t cook everyday. I usually cook 4 dinners during the week and one during the weekend. There are days that I use the boys nap time to take a nap myself or simply sit on my butt while watching multiple episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. We call those nights "pizza or chick fil a nights'. And even though that may not be the healthiest, during this stage of life, I’m okay with that. You win some and you lose some during every stage of life. So I'll enjoy our victories and I'll try not to dwell too much on our losses, as I'm sure one day I'll just look back and laugh at them.
For our last post, Steph wrote about how she gets asked about kids. Whenever someone gets married, the first question people ask, as early as the day after the wedding, is “when are you guys having a baby?”. First of all, this is pretty intrusive. And then when the couple has had a first baby, people quickly start asking about a second baby. As mentioned in previous post, “I️ just had this baby 4 days ago, why are you asking me about another baby?” But it’s funny how you then see the other side of the coin. The question gets switched to “are you guys done having kids?”, “are you getting your tubes tied?”, or "snip, snip" after the third kid. My husband and I️ were having a conversation the other day and I️ said, “if I️ got pregnant again, I️ wouldn’t tell anyone. I️ think I️ would be embarrassed”. Of course my husband right away told me I️ should NOT feel embarrassed about bringing life into the world. And he’s right. Why should I️ feel ashamed? I️ love my kids. I️ love being a mom. I️ truly love it. Is it exhausting? Absolutely. But being the mom of these 3 little boys is what makes my heart full. This came from me feeling judged by others because I’ve surpassed the “standard” amount of kids. But there are women who WANT a big family and WANT 5 or maybe 6 kids. Who are we to judge their lifestyle and their big family? Steph said: Everyone is different. Everyone's circumstances are different. Everyone's timeline is different. At the end of the day it comes down to, let us not judge people for wanting something different than what we want or have. We are all guilty of this. I’ve been guilty of judging someone that says “kids are too much, I️ don’t want any”. There are women that want 0 kids, and we think she won’t be fulfilled as a woman. There are women that want to be 1 and done, and we judge that her kid will grow up alone. There are women that want 6 kids, and we joke that they must not have a tv. But these all may be the desires of each of those women. We have no right or business asking people those types of questions. We may think they have a crazy life with all their 6 kids, but that doesn't mean they aren't in love with their "crazy" life. To each their own! P.S. - I am not currently pregnant. I repeat, NOT pregnant, in case you were wondering! First you say “I do,” then you get bombarded with the “When are you guys having kids?” questions. I mean, I don’t get annoyed by those questions, but I do get anxious. Truth is my answer these days is, “I am not really sure.” I used to say, “2020!” until I realized I kind of want kids now. Today. Yesterday. It helps that I know my husband will be the best father ever. It also helps that I have amazing friends with amazing kids and a brother with a sweet baby girl and two sister-in-laws with kids. What doesn’t help is when I hear, “Oh, enjoy married life!” “Get ready, they’re expensive.” “Our lives revolve around the baby.” “We get no alone time.” “Daycare is expensive.” “Labor is the worst thing in the world.” “We can no longer just pick up and go!” “Go experience the world first.” Enough! Enough! Sure, some of these and maybe all of these are valid. But, please stop putting your negative energy on me, honestly, unless I ask. You do not know what someone has gone through. About a month ago I freaked out thinking I couldn't have kids. I had a slight health issue and let my mind play tricks on me after watching YouTube videos and reading WebMD. Newlyweds, I am here to say TUNE OUT THE OUTSIDE NOISE! Hopefully you discussed kids with your husband/wife, I mean that's essential. So what we decide for us will not and may not be what you decide for you all. This goes for everything: buying a house, traveling, buying a car, savings accounts, etc. Remember: Everyone is different. Everyone's circumstances are different. Everyone's timeline is different. After sharing my made-up concerns with the Garners, I was reminded there are some women who do have barren wombs. In fact, one of my best friends was told she could no longer have kids. So, my plans to wait years may have changed. Who am I to alter what God has in store?
I came across the blog: 8 Signs You Know You’re Ready for a Baby. It’s a good read. Quite frankly she says you’re never fully ready. So my advice is to read that. My other advice is to Let go and let God. Really. Prince and I are true believers in planning life to a tee, but this children thing. I’ve let go of the “plans” we have and am fully trusting the plans God has. In the meantime, we’ll enjoy each other, our friends babies, and our selfish spending. And on behalf of newlyweds everywhere, I’ll also politely ask you to stop offering your unsolicited advice. |
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January 2018
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