It's an ongoing struggle. Oh, it's an ongoing struggle. You are motivated for months. Then you fall off, now you're bigger than you were when you started months ago. All your hard work, tears, sweat, erased. All because you got lazy. Life got the best of you. Oh, it's an ongoing struggle. It's funny, Stela and I said we were starting this 12-week IG model program on Monday. She's 5 days in. Where am I? Well, I got sick. I got deathly sick on Monday after eating two healthy meals. Whether it was the lack of caffeine or the sugar imbalance or both, I was eating Dunkin' Donuts yesterday. I fell off. I fell off quicker than I thought I would. But why? How do I stop myself from falling off? I want to look like this... but I also want nachos. I want to be the best me I can be... but my husband is eating Penn Station and I want one, too. Ladies, I know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I am extremely competitive. If someone says I can't do something, believe me, I will go to the end of the Earth proving them wrong. But, this health thing? Oh, it gets the best of me. Just two and half months ago, I was in the best shape I've been. Now, look at me. I am here to tell you... and myself. It's never too late. Though I fell off two meals into the 12-week program, I can pick right back up where I left off. Death to starting on Mondays. Death to waiting for the perfect time. Oh girl.. death to getting in one more cheat meal. It takes 21 days to break a habit. Get started now! You deserve it. Your kids deserve it. Your future kids deserve it. Your husband deserves it. And if he isn't on board remind him you deserve the best him he can be, too. Sheesh. Death to the one-sided diets! Here are 6 ways to stay motivated, beginning TODAY! 1. Find your motivation
What's the reason you're doing this? is there a Mexico trip coming up? Are you getting married? Are you trying to lose your mommy pouch after 3 kids (my personal reason)? Are you trying to gain some muscle mass? Find your motivator and keep it in mind, especially when you feel like giving up. 2. Change your routine If you don't like the way you look or the lifestyle you have, then maybe something has to change. You have to do something you've never done before to get something you've never had. Try waking up earlier to get your food ready, eat breakfast if you never do, or even go to bed earlier to get your rest. 3. Make It Fun We stick with what we enjoy. If you don't like brown rice, you're not gonna eat it. The same way, if you don't like the treadmill, most likely you won't be successful exercising on it. Try new healthy foods and find a fun physical activity you enjoy. 4. Set Daily Goals Take it one day at a time and set small realistic goals. keyword- realistic. Don't try to lose 10 pounds in 1 week. Maybe the goal for today is to eat all 3 meals instead of just 1. Or how about preparing your lunch for work instead of the daily trip to Wendy's. 5. Join Forces With Friends and Relatives Find people that are going to encourage you and keep you accountable, unlike my husband who tried to convince me to eat Baskin Robbins on the first day of my healthy eating plan. Having someone to "report" to may help keep you going since you may feel like they are expecting you to continue and you don't want to look like a failure. 6. Put It In Writing Write down what you want to accomplish and come up with a plan. Seeing is believing. A written goal is likely to get accomplished more than one not written. Okay! No more excuses, write your goals in the comments below! And... GO!
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2. Need a strong support system. Your support system has to be 100% on board. Your significant other, your parents, etc. There will be many of times when their schedules 100% revolve around the business, too. For my birthday, Steph and I were at dinner and came home to a drunk employee running the store. I had to let him go, so my birthday plans were cancelled and the rest of my night was spent behind the counter at the liquor store. Stephanie has learned not to give me a hard time about any change of plans. If she wasn't as supportive, it would be impossible to do what I do. Another incident was in June. I was in my business partner's wedding and had an emergency at the store and Steph and I left the wedding celebrations to drive 2 hours back to the store to run it. My parents were affected, Stephanie's mom was affected, Stephanie was affected, but they all supported me. I wouldn't be able to do this without their support. 3. Capital. I mentioned before that having business partners is important for access to capital. But so is having a good savings and credit. That's pretty much self-explanatory. 4. Dedication. This is arguably one of the most important characteristics of an entrepreneur. A lot of people think businesses are supposed to be overnight successes. Wrong! Sometimes, It takes years. There will be endless nights, parties cancelled and events missed. Many times you'll want to quit, but you have to see the overall, long-term picture. That'll help push you. It's a 24-hour job. I always tell Steph she has it easy because she can leave work at 5 and not think about her job until 8 the next morning. That's never the case with me. I dream about it. I toss and turn, thinking about business. I check in when I should be relaxing. I guess this shows my passion for business, plus I know it'll be all worth it. It's hard as a business owner, people never understand the work I put in. It hasn't come easy. I've taken risks, My partners have taken risks. We continue to take risks and be well supported. The biggest thing I always tell my circle is that anyone can do it, especially in the era of social media: you just have to save and be prepared to devote an abundant amount of time to have a flourishing business. Start saving. Get some partners in your corner and do everything you dreamed of!
Happy Anniversary to Pat and Stela Garner! September 20, 2014 felt like yesterday. But, believe it or not, three years has passed. Passed swiftly! In those three years, I've witnessed my friends have two babies, continue to raise a boy genius, purchase a house, change jobs, grow together, learn together, all while supporting their friends along the way. As a two and a half month-old wife, I have some questions for the Garners. Questions that will help boyfriend and girlfriends, fiancees, and married couples everywhere. Because no matter what we do, experiences are sometimes the only way to learn. Today, we're learning from the Garners' experiences. A couple I admire daily for their faith, their love, their loyalty and their transparency.
Is year one really the hardest? Pat: Year one is the easiest! You have an idea of what marriage is,however, the experience is new! You're on a high from the wedding & a high from the honeymoon. You'll get to the nitty gritty once all of that fades. Stela: Not for us. I think that train of thought comes from couples that haven't lived together prior to being married. That would make sense. You are learning to deal with a persons new habits, hygiene etc. What is the most important thing to remember in a marriage? Pat: The most important thing to remember in marriage is: forever. That's how long this covenant lasts. Financial woes, infidelity, life, whatever. Neither myself, nor my humongous wife, or any issue known to man, has the sovereignty to undo what God has put together. That's kind of heavy, nothing to be taken lightly. Sounds like marriage to me. Stela: A marriage is 3 entities. Husband, wife, and God. Cord of three strands. Keep people out of your marriage, keep your issues between you two and the Lord. You don't need advice from Juju Beans who is not even married when you're having issues with your spouse. Think of you guys' toughest struggle to-date, how did you overcome it? Pat: Toughest struggle to date required patience, shutting my mouth, & belief. Be patient enough to wait on the change you so desperately need. Have self control over your tongue. Don't be an #%€£ spouting off @ the mouth verbally destroying everything around you. Believe that your situation, or spouse can change. Stela: I don't think we've had any major struggles as a couple. More than anything is just normal couple struggles. What piece of advice would you give to those who are thinking about throwing the towel in? Pat: Hmmmm. You plan on being single from here on out? Lol if not, your future involves Tinder, Facebook, DMs, eharmony.com & most importantly an imperfect person who you will eventually have to grow & develop with. The grass IS greener on the other side, it's ALSO greener where you water it. Stela: Remember your vows- for better or worse. Marriage is not going to be easy, matter of fact, giving up is probably easier sometimes, so instead fight. Fight for your marriage. Don't always think well he's this way or she needs to change. Instead focus on what YOU can do to make things better. And most importantly, pray, ask God for guidance and strength. What piece of advice would you give those who are about to exchange vows? Pat: Take a "Before You Say I Do" class. Living with someone, busting it open for someone, not enough information for you to make a forever decision. Stela: Are you sure you want this life? Lol joking! Make sure you really know the person well. Talk, talk a lot. Talk about what you both want in the future, talk about finances, how you plan on handling them, talk about children, how you plan on raising them. Those are the type of important things you want to make sure you both agree on or at least discuss prior to getting married. What is the most important thing to remember in balancing parenthood with marriage? Pat: Those kids will leave one day, & then you can be married again LOL Stela: Remember that your spouse comes first. I've seen lots of posts on fb or ig on who should come first, whether a spouse or a child and I'm baffled at some of the responses. Your spouse is supposed to be your life long partner. Your kids, they grow up and leave. So make sure your relationship is taken care of with the person you plan on growing old with. Of course this doesn't mean neglect your children lol it just means make time for each other. It's difficult, for sure, especially when your kids are young. This has been one of our biggest struggles, we don't have a lot of alone time without the kids. Patrick often complains about me not spending enough time with him. Im doing better though. Sometimes the kitchen may not be clean before going to bed, but at least we get to watch 1 or 2 episodes of The Office before going to bed together. And anyone that knows us knows that the kids are always with us. We often wish we had more family readily available to take over the kids once in a while so we could go on a date. So this is something we are still working on. How do you guys manage friendship? I recently talked to a friend about going on girls or guys trips when married. What is your take on these kind of things? Pat: Friendship outside of marriage is IMPERATIVE. If you let me tell it, with both genders. I have 17 girlfriends though. & 3-5 work wives depending on their attitudes that day lol it's important for men to spend time with other men. It's important for women to spend time with other women. Your best friend has your last name, great. However, companionship isn't limited to the person you exchanged vows with. Stela: I think it's completely fine. A couple should trust each other enough to do that and a couple should be smart enough to not do anything stupid while on a trip without each other. You guys bought a house this year! We always talk about people rushing milestones, because they feel they are supposed to obtain something within a particular time frame. When and how did you guys know a house was obtainable? Pat: This house running my pockets, the light bill past due. I don't wanna talk about that right now lol Stela: You gotta make sure your finances are right. We moved in with his parents for a whole year before buying our house to save and to pay off some debt. We didn't rush into buying a house right after getting married just because. It's more about financial stability than a timeline. What is next for you guys? Pat: Do we need a next? We good lol we focusing on these kids & this house. Stela: No idea really. Just living one day at a time. Does year 3 feel any different than day 1 of marriage? Pat: Year 3 feels different because year 1 was one kid. Year 3 is three kids. Year 4 will not have four kids! Stela: For sure it does. We are a family of 5 now versus a family of 3 back then! No, for the most part I think we just learn more about each other each day. It's pretty much a general consensus among our friend group that Stela trusts Pat more than any other woman we know. What is the secret for such high trust? Stela: Haha. This is a good one. Anyone that knows Patrick or is friends with him on social networks knows that he likes to flirt. A LOT. And he doesn't discriminate. He flirts the same way with the 25 year old on Facebook, as with my aunt, or the sweet 62 year old nurse at his job. This doesn't bother me. At one point early in our relationship, sure it did, I didn't know that's just how he naturally is. He doesn't do it to be malicious. I guess I trust him so much because he doesn't give me reason to not trust him. He's told me that some of his buddies are surprised when he's out with them playing poker til 3 am because I'm not blowing up his phone. IF I happen to wake up at that time (my sleep is too precious), my only concern is to make sure that he didn't get into a car accident and that he's still alive. That is always my first thought if he ever stays out too late. Communication is the biggest key to trust. We always know what we are doing, and we talk or text a lot. Like all day lol. Not to "check up" on each other, but because we simply like taking to each other. Anything else you'd like to share about marriage? Pat: Marriage isn't difficult, if the person you choose isn't difficult. People change. People grow. People regress. If you love them, strap in & give them support and encouragement even when they : are ugly, undeserving, unworthy & downright despicable. Don't let anybody else's perception or experience with marriage influence you. The negative views & opinions flow abundantly. 50% of all marriages end in divorce ? Got it. What I gathered is 50% of all marriages don't end in divorce. I'll see you @ the finish line! Stela: We don't have a perfect marriage, we argue, we annoy each other, Lord knows he annoys me often, but we move on. Mostly because Patrick won't let me be mad for more than 5 minutes, even when I've told him plenty of times that sometimes I need to be angry for more than 30 minutes lol. Am I the only one that has trouble getting out of anger? So we make it work, we make it work because we WANT to make it work. "Are y'all gonna try for #4? Are you guys gonna go for the girl? When's the next one?" - family, friends, strangers. Most commonly asked questions to my husband and I since Gryffin was born. I literally just pushed this 8 and a half pound, whole human being out of me. I'm getting very little sleep, my nipples feel like they are burning (at all times), my whole life has just changed once again. You really believe I'm thinking about the next baby right now? One month later and guess what?! We have survived with THREE kids. How have we survived you ask? I really believe the Lord only gives you what you can handle. I'm pretty sure we are proof of that.... We had Jayden (our oldest) when we were 20 and 21 years old, unmarried, in college, and working part time jobs. It was by the grace of God and his guidance that we survived that stage. Then, 6 years later, married, out of college end with full time jobs, Gabriel came around. I'm thinking the Lord thought " you know what? They're in a better place in life now, they can handle a little more"... let me tell you, our middle child has given us a run for our money. We love him to death, and his personality is hi-la-rious, but he is one stubborn, sensitive, moody child, and he likes to test his limits daily. My life literally revolves around cleaning up after him and making sure he's safe, not climbing the bathroom sink or the table, etc. Thankfully he has only smacked Gryffin in the face twice so far. No, but really, he is a handfull. So I'm guessing when we were expecting our third, the Lord said, okayyyy they have a lot going on with that second child, let me give them a bit of a break now. So thankfully, Gryff has been an easy newborn so far. He sleeps on his own ( Gabriel still sleeps with us sometimes at almost 2 years old), he has been sleeping anywhere from 2.5- almost 4 hours at night which is awesome for a newborn, and he's mostly happy as long as he's fed and changed. Now let me get to some tips on this journey... Advice from a mama on surviving the newborn stage If you are able to, get family to help you AFTER you leave the hospital, not during your stay. When I had my second child, Gabriel, I remember being at the doctors office a week later, really struggling with breastfeeding looking extremely exhausted. The doctor asked if I had family helping and I said "no they were here when the baby was first born". She responded with a disappointed "I don't know why people always do that, come to the hospital instead of helping afterwards". That really stuck with me and there's so much truth to that. At the hospital you really need no help. You have nurses helping you at all times. But it's when you go home and have to do everything on your own that everything comes crashing down. Thankfully, my husband saved some PTO and was able to spend a week with us after the hospital. Also, my parents didn't come to the hospital from out of town, and instead my mom was able to come help me for a whole week after my husband went back to work, and let me tell you, BEST. THING. EVER. I didn't have to cook or clean, and was able to focus on recovering and the baby. Feeding a baby "Breast is best"... "formula is..." blah blah. As a mother who's done it all- exclusively breastfeeding, pumping, and even supplemented with formula, I'll tell you ... "A fed baby is best". Whatever you choose to feed your baby is up to you. Don't let people pressure you into a certain choice. My last 2 babies were tongue and lip tied, which caused for me to not be able to exclusively breastfeed. The first time it stressed me out, caused anxiety, I cried because I wasn't able to. This third time, I had a whole different attitude and with my husbands support and encouragement I decided to just pump instead of breastfeed as well as supplement a little with formula and I am much more at peace. And to be honest, I don't know how much longer I'll continue to pump. Having to pump every 3-4 hours (including night time) while having to care for a newborn and a toddler is kind of a pain. I sometimes feel like a prisoner to my pump. Either way, I'm sure my child will be fine with whatever nutrition he ends up getting this first year. So basically what I'm saying is - do whatever works for you without feeling guilty. Below Whitney Port shares her not-so-pretty breastfeeding experience. I loved how open she was and her video was something I could really relate to, having to go through that experience. But enough with the baby stuff, we also have a 1 year old and a 7 year old (say whaaat) when did we get so old? So tune in NEXT WEEK for part 2 of the parenting blog and advice from a dad! |
AuthorsJust four married friends here to discuss relationships, life-changing events, parent-hood, religion, race & trending topics. Archives
January 2018
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