First you say “I do,” then you get bombarded with the “When are you guys having kids?” questions. I mean, I don’t get annoyed by those questions, but I do get anxious. Truth is my answer these days is, “I am not really sure.” I used to say, “2020!” until I realized I kind of want kids now. Today. Yesterday. It helps that I know my husband will be the best father ever. It also helps that I have amazing friends with amazing kids and a brother with a sweet baby girl and two sister-in-laws with kids. What doesn’t help is when I hear, “Oh, enjoy married life!” “Get ready, they’re expensive.” “Our lives revolve around the baby.” “We get no alone time.” “Daycare is expensive.” “Labor is the worst thing in the world.” “We can no longer just pick up and go!” “Go experience the world first.” Enough! Enough! Sure, some of these and maybe all of these are valid. But, please stop putting your negative energy on me, honestly, unless I ask. You do not know what someone has gone through. About a month ago I freaked out thinking I couldn't have kids. I had a slight health issue and let my mind play tricks on me after watching YouTube videos and reading WebMD. Newlyweds, I am here to say TUNE OUT THE OUTSIDE NOISE! Hopefully you discussed kids with your husband/wife, I mean that's essential. So what we decide for us will not and may not be what you decide for you all. This goes for everything: buying a house, traveling, buying a car, savings accounts, etc. Remember: Everyone is different. Everyone's circumstances are different. Everyone's timeline is different. After sharing my made-up concerns with the Garners, I was reminded there are some women who do have barren wombs. In fact, one of my best friends was told she could no longer have kids. So, my plans to wait years may have changed. Who am I to alter what God has in store?
I came across the blog: 8 Signs You Know You’re Ready for a Baby. It’s a good read. Quite frankly she says you’re never fully ready. So my advice is to read that. My other advice is to Let go and let God. Really. Prince and I are true believers in planning life to a tee, but this children thing. I’ve let go of the “plans” we have and am fully trusting the plans God has. In the meantime, we’ll enjoy each other, our friends babies, and our selfish spending. And on behalf of newlyweds everywhere, I’ll also politely ask you to stop offering your unsolicited advice.
0 Comments
Kim K broke the internet, again. She was nearly naked, but that wasn't what got the people talking. Kim Kardashian-West dressed as 2001 Aaliyah this weekend. People were outraged. No one said anything about her as Cher or Madonna, but this... It's COMPLETELY taboo for a white woman to dress like up as black woman, right? Are You That Somebody? "She just shouldn't do it" "She's not black" These seem like surface excuses without any real merit. Can we get just a little bit more dialogue please? If a legit offense has occurred can someone shed some light? Why the attacks? Is it becasue she's Kim? Is it because she's a Kardashian? She dressed up like another human being....... is this some type of Human Rights violation? If it is, A LOT of people have to answer for dressing up like......... Michael Joseph Jackson The king of pop truly is One In A Million. & yet no one said anything about Kourtney dressing as Michael. Actually, nobody ever says anything about people dressing up like Michael Jackson, Black or White. Did yall come for Beyonce when she dressed like Mike? Not because of her race, but because of her gender? "She shouldn't dress up like him because she is a woman!" "Women shouldn't dress up like men. Men shouldn't dress up like women." How ridiculous does that sound? Just about as ridiculous as the comments made towards Kim. Race & Gender are two entirely different topics..... absolutely. Ignorance however, does not discriminate. So why are we here? Ah. Here we go. Cultural Appropriation. Another one of those divisive topics. How serious of an issue is it? I could write a 4 Page Letter on the subject, but not today. What I do know is this, as a country, as a world, it seems like we go Back & Forth. We prevent our own progress by constantly throwing rocks at eachother. Maybe we should put down the sticks & stones & build something together, as opposed to tearing ourselves down. & If you just so happen to be one of those people throwing rocks @ Kim K, because she decided to pay tribute to Aaliyah, you should dust yourself off & Try Again.
Event planning is intense. Hours of planning and dollars of items later, the event comes and goes swifter than eagles. We're left with memories. Memories that last a lifetime. Memories that make the stress of planning all worth it.
Here are our memories from this past weekend's 2nd Annual PG Palooza: Now, we are no experts in this field. In fact, I love the transparency we (PS Squared) share with one another about our meated financial decisions. It was easy to blame our lack of extra money on wedding planning, now that’s over—reality hit. “My” money is no longer “mine.” “My decisions” affect “us.” My $25 a week coffee addiction despite having free coffee at work, results in a $100 loss that, we as a couple, could be saving for our future. The "M" in Marriage doesn't stand for "my". Money is a sensitive subject. "My" money that I worked for? That I earned? That I clocked in & out for whilst finessing the bull? Yea "my" money is definitely mine. Share deez if you wanna share something. Hey, if that's how strongly you feel, I am not here to convince or persuade you otherwise. However, if you take a peek as we pull back the curtain, you might begin to see things differently. 1. Just because he's the man, he doesn't HAVE to take care of all the bills. It's 2017, forget the old-fashioned gender roles. I mean if you are not in support of your significant other making more money than you, go sit in a corner. I truly, sincerely believe if you want your spouse to make less than you, you're an idiot. Do you know how broke we would be if Maristela made less than me? If I make $75,000 and she stays at home. There is $75,000 in the home. If we both make $37,500, there is $75,000 in the home. If I make $25,000 and she makes $50,000, there is $75,000 in the home. 2. Allocate every dime you have. This is the key. Combine your overall income and break down your expenses. (This is Dave Ramsey's zero-based budget.) Start with your reoccurring bills, then your irregular bills and finally your other costs (groceries, clothes, health expenses, etc.). The rest will go to savings and your allowance. Make sure you equal to zero. This underlines your budgeting priorities. 3. God-willing, save. Let's be honest here, saving in our 20's is almost impossible. We have student loans, credit cards we got when we were in college, and car payments and house mortgages. HOWEVER, saving is important. Easier said than done, save before you give yourself an allowance. Prince and I save by teaming up with our family. We have a cash kitty. It's the next best thing since sliced bread. Monthly we pay Prince's sister $300 per kitty and 22 people participate. So, for 22 months, we pay $300 to eventually get our name pulled to get $6,600. It is amazing, because we have someone who holds us responsible for a savings "bill" basically. While 22 people is a LOT. Team up with 10 people you trust. Decide on January 1, the bucket will be $2,000 and every month have someone collect $200 from each person and draw a name for the next ten months. Thank me later! 4. Agree on an allowance: Who cares who makes more money? Remember the whole "my" is "we"; if you agree that you all can afford to spend $300 on discretionary items a month, each of you get $150 to do whatever with. Ladies, that means nails, hair, makeup, coffee, etc. Men, you can buy all the scratch-offs in the world, five haircuts, etc. But, when you've run out, you've run out. You also cannot criticize what the other uses their money on. This is an agreement on the first of every month. This eliminates disputes and allows for understanding and compromise. Do note, if you have a birthday party to attend to and you plan to spend $40 on Jamie's gift, $20 comes out of each of your allowance. The point is to be on level playing fields, no matter who brings in the most money. You are one! P.S. Be honest, be open and be loving. Prioritize necessity and split the rest evenly. That's fair and just.
Apparently my little alien baby is no longer alien looking, and now looks like his father. You're welcome. You're welcome that I carried him for 39 weeks, exhausted, big, and in pain. You're welcome for the sleepless nighttime feedings and diaper changes... and all for what? So he can look justtttt like his father. But he's a cute version of his father right? It's been 2 months since he's joined our family and we could not be happier. I mean, I don't want to jinx myself, but other than breastfeeding not being a success, this baby has been THE easiest baby ever. He still sleeps well at night only requiring me to get up twice per night (so awesome). He does, however, go through a lot of wet diapers. My recommendation for anyone about to become a parent, have a diaper raffle! You can do it as part of your baby shower. Basically, everyone that brings s pack of diapers gets entered into a raffle. Tip: request sizes 2 and up as babies outgrow newborns and size 1 pretty quick usually. Gryffin has been in size 2 for a couple weeks now and he is just now 2 months old. For the raffle, we did a gift card, I mean everyone likes to win money right? This is a very convenient way for people to help since a pack of diapers is under 10 bucks. This also is a huge help to the parents. Hopefully we won't have to spend a dime on diapers for a few more months. Gryff is also becoming a real person now, smiling at me and cooing... gosh those baby noises are the cutest. Honestly, most days I don't even feel like a have a newborn because he isn't high maintenance at all. Toddler update
Gabriel Giovanni... yep still the same. Still destroying my kitchen everyday and eating like a little monster. He's talking so much more now though! I'm sure only we can understand what he is trying to say most of the time, but it's so cool to watch your child become more vocal and to be able to communicate better. He's also going through this phase of playing with his brother where he tries to hit Jayden with any item in sight. My poor Jayden has been cracked in the head with hangers and light sabers a few times. It's not funny at all actually, and I blame his father because him and Jayden watch wrestling at night ( joking, I'm sure it's just a stage and we are handling it). What is funny, however, is the fact that he knows the theme songs for some of the wrestlers such as John Cena and Shinsuke Nakamora (don't ask me how I know these names) and breaks out singing them throughout the day. He also breaks out singing the Moana song and the rap song "whoooop theeeere it is" ( you know exactly what I'm talking about don't you? And probably sang it in your head)... I mean , he's a pretty diverse child if you ask me. And Jayden... Jayden is just Jayden. Just excelling at life, scoring in the 97th percentile and doing math problems that take me a while to solve in his head. He loves math and often asks for extra work at home, which makes me so proud. Who knows, maybe we will have an engineer in the family one day, in which case I'll be a stay-at-home grandma and watch his babies everyday. Well that is all for today as I have to go feed these children and keep the "mommy-ing" going... see you at the next update! We live in a world where more means better. More shoes, more clothes, more toys, more cars, more house = better. Right? This is ingrained in us by this materialistic society. Have you heard of the saying "The more you have, the more you want". So at what point do you have enough? At what point do you find happiness? In 20 years will you be happy that you have a closet full of clothes or will you even remember the 331 different toys you bought your kids? I'd rather remember an awesome trip to Disney world or a road trip from one coast to the other. So what's my point with all of this? Focusing less on "stuff" gives you more time for experiences. When it comes to parenting, we focus so much on our kids having the latest toys and electronics. For Christmas, parents go out and buy every single toy out there and literally drown the Christmas tree with gifts. Then, we post these pictures of the overwhelmed tree on Facebook. What are we trying to prove? The kids will play with the toys for the next 5 days and then forget about them in a cluttered playroom or bedroom. When Jayden was younger, this was us with a cluttered bedroom full of toys all over the floor. But the past few years I've purged of toys that don't get played with and focus on very few gifts for Christmas. And now we are down to just a few bins of toys sorted by categories, cars, action figures, dinosaurs, and books. Not only does this help me to not feel less anxious, but it also helps the kids keep their areas a little more neat and organized. This can also force us to be better parents. How? Because you have to spend more time with your kids. I hope that one day Jayden remembers the hours we spent playing with Pokémon cards... yea I'm a pro now (which by the way can help with math skills and reading skills for a young child). Or that he remembers our record of "how many times can we catch the football back and forth before we drop it" (currently at 54 passes back and forth). And I hope he remembers the victories that are to come from playing the memory game with his father who won't let him win. That time spent with us is what I hope he remembers. So I'm gonna keep focusing on more time and experiences, as hard as it can be. We all come home tired from work and most of us find it easier to come home and lounge it up while telling our kids to go to their room and play. But this era of them wanting to play with us and spend time with us doesn't last long. So I'm gonna try to take advantage of it while it's still here. maybe they'll be smarter for it, but if not, at least I hope they love me for it, and that they are happier because of it. Around 10:08 p.m. on October 1 in Las Vegas, a country music festival turned dark. A gunman opened fire injuring hundreds of people and killing over 50. The rest of the world woke up to tweets, texts, Facebook posts, snaps, IG posts saying “Prayers for Vegas” as the preliminary details were flooding in. Originally the death toll was at 20+, it has risen. With positive posts, come negative posts. Posts of uncertainty. Posts questioning God. One response I typically think of: “When God is working hard, so is Satan.” Pat gave me a different perspective. God was there at the Route 91 Harvest festival. He was there. He is everywhere. While 50+ have died. God’s grace saved the death toll from being any higher. Oh, God’s grace. “The largest mass shooting in U.S. history.” The devil did that, but what God did was so much greater. He placed people in the right places to carry bodies to safety. He moved people to help others get behind barriers, life-saving barriers. He sent first responders into the danger zone. (Thank you first responders! You are truly Heaven-sent.) He gave people the ability to perform life-saving surgeries. He's the reason some stopped to help those who'd been hit instead of running to save themselves. He is the reason. A life without God, we don't want to know it. Today, we hurt. We hurt for the victims. We hurt for the families. We hurt for the first responders. We hurt for the city of Las Vegas. Today, we also pray. We pray for the victims, their families, the first responders, the reporters on the ground who have to witness it all first hand, the city of Vegas, and for humanity. For those who question God at times like this, becuase without him, Satan would have accomplished so much more. If there's any bit of hope after a tragic shooting like the one in Vegas, it's Him. We'll look to the light on the darkest day.
It's an ongoing struggle. Oh, it's an ongoing struggle. You are motivated for months. Then you fall off, now you're bigger than you were when you started months ago. All your hard work, tears, sweat, erased. All because you got lazy. Life got the best of you. Oh, it's an ongoing struggle. It's funny, Stela and I said we were starting this 12-week IG model program on Monday. She's 5 days in. Where am I? Well, I got sick. I got deathly sick on Monday after eating two healthy meals. Whether it was the lack of caffeine or the sugar imbalance or both, I was eating Dunkin' Donuts yesterday. I fell off. I fell off quicker than I thought I would. But why? How do I stop myself from falling off? I want to look like this... but I also want nachos. I want to be the best me I can be... but my husband is eating Penn Station and I want one, too. Ladies, I know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I am extremely competitive. If someone says I can't do something, believe me, I will go to the end of the Earth proving them wrong. But, this health thing? Oh, it gets the best of me. Just two and half months ago, I was in the best shape I've been. Now, look at me. I am here to tell you... and myself. It's never too late. Though I fell off two meals into the 12-week program, I can pick right back up where I left off. Death to starting on Mondays. Death to waiting for the perfect time. Oh girl.. death to getting in one more cheat meal. It takes 21 days to break a habit. Get started now! You deserve it. Your kids deserve it. Your future kids deserve it. Your husband deserves it. And if he isn't on board remind him you deserve the best him he can be, too. Sheesh. Death to the one-sided diets! Here are 6 ways to stay motivated, beginning TODAY! 1. Find your motivation
What's the reason you're doing this? is there a Mexico trip coming up? Are you getting married? Are you trying to lose your mommy pouch after 3 kids (my personal reason)? Are you trying to gain some muscle mass? Find your motivator and keep it in mind, especially when you feel like giving up. 2. Change your routine If you don't like the way you look or the lifestyle you have, then maybe something has to change. You have to do something you've never done before to get something you've never had. Try waking up earlier to get your food ready, eat breakfast if you never do, or even go to bed earlier to get your rest. 3. Make It Fun We stick with what we enjoy. If you don't like brown rice, you're not gonna eat it. The same way, if you don't like the treadmill, most likely you won't be successful exercising on it. Try new healthy foods and find a fun physical activity you enjoy. 4. Set Daily Goals Take it one day at a time and set small realistic goals. keyword- realistic. Don't try to lose 10 pounds in 1 week. Maybe the goal for today is to eat all 3 meals instead of just 1. Or how about preparing your lunch for work instead of the daily trip to Wendy's. 5. Join Forces With Friends and Relatives Find people that are going to encourage you and keep you accountable, unlike my husband who tried to convince me to eat Baskin Robbins on the first day of my healthy eating plan. Having someone to "report" to may help keep you going since you may feel like they are expecting you to continue and you don't want to look like a failure. 6. Put It In Writing Write down what you want to accomplish and come up with a plan. Seeing is believing. A written goal is likely to get accomplished more than one not written. Okay! No more excuses, write your goals in the comments below! And... GO!
2. Need a strong support system. Your support system has to be 100% on board. Your significant other, your parents, etc. There will be many of times when their schedules 100% revolve around the business, too. For my birthday, Steph and I were at dinner and came home to a drunk employee running the store. I had to let him go, so my birthday plans were cancelled and the rest of my night was spent behind the counter at the liquor store. Stephanie has learned not to give me a hard time about any change of plans. If she wasn't as supportive, it would be impossible to do what I do. Another incident was in June. I was in my business partner's wedding and had an emergency at the store and Steph and I left the wedding celebrations to drive 2 hours back to the store to run it. My parents were affected, Stephanie's mom was affected, Stephanie was affected, but they all supported me. I wouldn't be able to do this without their support. 3. Capital. I mentioned before that having business partners is important for access to capital. But so is having a good savings and credit. That's pretty much self-explanatory. 4. Dedication. This is arguably one of the most important characteristics of an entrepreneur. A lot of people think businesses are supposed to be overnight successes. Wrong! Sometimes, It takes years. There will be endless nights, parties cancelled and events missed. Many times you'll want to quit, but you have to see the overall, long-term picture. That'll help push you. It's a 24-hour job. I always tell Steph she has it easy because she can leave work at 5 and not think about her job until 8 the next morning. That's never the case with me. I dream about it. I toss and turn, thinking about business. I check in when I should be relaxing. I guess this shows my passion for business, plus I know it'll be all worth it. It's hard as a business owner, people never understand the work I put in. It hasn't come easy. I've taken risks, My partners have taken risks. We continue to take risks and be well supported. The biggest thing I always tell my circle is that anyone can do it, especially in the era of social media: you just have to save and be prepared to devote an abundant amount of time to have a flourishing business. Start saving. Get some partners in your corner and do everything you dreamed of!
Happy Anniversary to Pat and Stela Garner! September 20, 2014 felt like yesterday. But, believe it or not, three years has passed. Passed swiftly! In those three years, I've witnessed my friends have two babies, continue to raise a boy genius, purchase a house, change jobs, grow together, learn together, all while supporting their friends along the way. As a two and a half month-old wife, I have some questions for the Garners. Questions that will help boyfriend and girlfriends, fiancees, and married couples everywhere. Because no matter what we do, experiences are sometimes the only way to learn. Today, we're learning from the Garners' experiences. A couple I admire daily for their faith, their love, their loyalty and their transparency.
Is year one really the hardest? Pat: Year one is the easiest! You have an idea of what marriage is,however, the experience is new! You're on a high from the wedding & a high from the honeymoon. You'll get to the nitty gritty once all of that fades. Stela: Not for us. I think that train of thought comes from couples that haven't lived together prior to being married. That would make sense. You are learning to deal with a persons new habits, hygiene etc. What is the most important thing to remember in a marriage? Pat: The most important thing to remember in marriage is: forever. That's how long this covenant lasts. Financial woes, infidelity, life, whatever. Neither myself, nor my humongous wife, or any issue known to man, has the sovereignty to undo what God has put together. That's kind of heavy, nothing to be taken lightly. Sounds like marriage to me. Stela: A marriage is 3 entities. Husband, wife, and God. Cord of three strands. Keep people out of your marriage, keep your issues between you two and the Lord. You don't need advice from Juju Beans who is not even married when you're having issues with your spouse. Think of you guys' toughest struggle to-date, how did you overcome it? Pat: Toughest struggle to date required patience, shutting my mouth, & belief. Be patient enough to wait on the change you so desperately need. Have self control over your tongue. Don't be an #%€£ spouting off @ the mouth verbally destroying everything around you. Believe that your situation, or spouse can change. Stela: I don't think we've had any major struggles as a couple. More than anything is just normal couple struggles. What piece of advice would you give to those who are thinking about throwing the towel in? Pat: Hmmmm. You plan on being single from here on out? Lol if not, your future involves Tinder, Facebook, DMs, eharmony.com & most importantly an imperfect person who you will eventually have to grow & develop with. The grass IS greener on the other side, it's ALSO greener where you water it. Stela: Remember your vows- for better or worse. Marriage is not going to be easy, matter of fact, giving up is probably easier sometimes, so instead fight. Fight for your marriage. Don't always think well he's this way or she needs to change. Instead focus on what YOU can do to make things better. And most importantly, pray, ask God for guidance and strength. What piece of advice would you give those who are about to exchange vows? Pat: Take a "Before You Say I Do" class. Living with someone, busting it open for someone, not enough information for you to make a forever decision. Stela: Are you sure you want this life? Lol joking! Make sure you really know the person well. Talk, talk a lot. Talk about what you both want in the future, talk about finances, how you plan on handling them, talk about children, how you plan on raising them. Those are the type of important things you want to make sure you both agree on or at least discuss prior to getting married. What is the most important thing to remember in balancing parenthood with marriage? Pat: Those kids will leave one day, & then you can be married again LOL Stela: Remember that your spouse comes first. I've seen lots of posts on fb or ig on who should come first, whether a spouse or a child and I'm baffled at some of the responses. Your spouse is supposed to be your life long partner. Your kids, they grow up and leave. So make sure your relationship is taken care of with the person you plan on growing old with. Of course this doesn't mean neglect your children lol it just means make time for each other. It's difficult, for sure, especially when your kids are young. This has been one of our biggest struggles, we don't have a lot of alone time without the kids. Patrick often complains about me not spending enough time with him. Im doing better though. Sometimes the kitchen may not be clean before going to bed, but at least we get to watch 1 or 2 episodes of The Office before going to bed together. And anyone that knows us knows that the kids are always with us. We often wish we had more family readily available to take over the kids once in a while so we could go on a date. So this is something we are still working on. How do you guys manage friendship? I recently talked to a friend about going on girls or guys trips when married. What is your take on these kind of things? Pat: Friendship outside of marriage is IMPERATIVE. If you let me tell it, with both genders. I have 17 girlfriends though. & 3-5 work wives depending on their attitudes that day lol it's important for men to spend time with other men. It's important for women to spend time with other women. Your best friend has your last name, great. However, companionship isn't limited to the person you exchanged vows with. Stela: I think it's completely fine. A couple should trust each other enough to do that and a couple should be smart enough to not do anything stupid while on a trip without each other. You guys bought a house this year! We always talk about people rushing milestones, because they feel they are supposed to obtain something within a particular time frame. When and how did you guys know a house was obtainable? Pat: This house running my pockets, the light bill past due. I don't wanna talk about that right now lol Stela: You gotta make sure your finances are right. We moved in with his parents for a whole year before buying our house to save and to pay off some debt. We didn't rush into buying a house right after getting married just because. It's more about financial stability than a timeline. What is next for you guys? Pat: Do we need a next? We good lol we focusing on these kids & this house. Stela: No idea really. Just living one day at a time. Does year 3 feel any different than day 1 of marriage? Pat: Year 3 feels different because year 1 was one kid. Year 3 is three kids. Year 4 will not have four kids! Stela: For sure it does. We are a family of 5 now versus a family of 3 back then! No, for the most part I think we just learn more about each other each day. It's pretty much a general consensus among our friend group that Stela trusts Pat more than any other woman we know. What is the secret for such high trust? Stela: Haha. This is a good one. Anyone that knows Patrick or is friends with him on social networks knows that he likes to flirt. A LOT. And he doesn't discriminate. He flirts the same way with the 25 year old on Facebook, as with my aunt, or the sweet 62 year old nurse at his job. This doesn't bother me. At one point early in our relationship, sure it did, I didn't know that's just how he naturally is. He doesn't do it to be malicious. I guess I trust him so much because he doesn't give me reason to not trust him. He's told me that some of his buddies are surprised when he's out with them playing poker til 3 am because I'm not blowing up his phone. IF I happen to wake up at that time (my sleep is too precious), my only concern is to make sure that he didn't get into a car accident and that he's still alive. That is always my first thought if he ever stays out too late. Communication is the biggest key to trust. We always know what we are doing, and we talk or text a lot. Like all day lol. Not to "check up" on each other, but because we simply like taking to each other. Anything else you'd like to share about marriage? Pat: Marriage isn't difficult, if the person you choose isn't difficult. People change. People grow. People regress. If you love them, strap in & give them support and encouragement even when they : are ugly, undeserving, unworthy & downright despicable. Don't let anybody else's perception or experience with marriage influence you. The negative views & opinions flow abundantly. 50% of all marriages end in divorce ? Got it. What I gathered is 50% of all marriages don't end in divorce. I'll see you @ the finish line! Stela: We don't have a perfect marriage, we argue, we annoy each other, Lord knows he annoys me often, but we move on. Mostly because Patrick won't let me be mad for more than 5 minutes, even when I've told him plenty of times that sometimes I need to be angry for more than 30 minutes lol. Am I the only one that has trouble getting out of anger? So we make it work, we make it work because we WANT to make it work. |
AuthorsJust four married friends here to discuss relationships, life-changing events, parent-hood, religion, race & trending topics. Archives
January 2018
Categories |