Happy Anniversary to Pat and Stela Garner! September 20, 2014 felt like yesterday. But, believe it or not, three years has passed. Passed swiftly! In those three years, I've witnessed my friends have two babies, continue to raise a boy genius, purchase a house, change jobs, grow together, learn together, all while supporting their friends along the way. As a two and a half month-old wife, I have some questions for the Garners. Questions that will help boyfriend and girlfriends, fiancees, and married couples everywhere. Because no matter what we do, experiences are sometimes the only way to learn. Today, we're learning from the Garners' experiences. A couple I admire daily for their faith, their love, their loyalty and their transparency.
Is year one really the hardest? Pat: Year one is the easiest! You have an idea of what marriage is,however, the experience is new! You're on a high from the wedding & a high from the honeymoon. You'll get to the nitty gritty once all of that fades. Stela: Not for us. I think that train of thought comes from couples that haven't lived together prior to being married. That would make sense. You are learning to deal with a persons new habits, hygiene etc. What is the most important thing to remember in a marriage? Pat: The most important thing to remember in marriage is: forever. That's how long this covenant lasts. Financial woes, infidelity, life, whatever. Neither myself, nor my humongous wife, or any issue known to man, has the sovereignty to undo what God has put together. That's kind of heavy, nothing to be taken lightly. Sounds like marriage to me. Stela: A marriage is 3 entities. Husband, wife, and God. Cord of three strands. Keep people out of your marriage, keep your issues between you two and the Lord. You don't need advice from Juju Beans who is not even married when you're having issues with your spouse. Think of you guys' toughest struggle to-date, how did you overcome it? Pat: Toughest struggle to date required patience, shutting my mouth, & belief. Be patient enough to wait on the change you so desperately need. Have self control over your tongue. Don't be an #%€£ spouting off @ the mouth verbally destroying everything around you. Believe that your situation, or spouse can change. Stela: I don't think we've had any major struggles as a couple. More than anything is just normal couple struggles. What piece of advice would you give to those who are thinking about throwing the towel in? Pat: Hmmmm. You plan on being single from here on out? Lol if not, your future involves Tinder, Facebook, DMs, eharmony.com & most importantly an imperfect person who you will eventually have to grow & develop with. The grass IS greener on the other side, it's ALSO greener where you water it. Stela: Remember your vows- for better or worse. Marriage is not going to be easy, matter of fact, giving up is probably easier sometimes, so instead fight. Fight for your marriage. Don't always think well he's this way or she needs to change. Instead focus on what YOU can do to make things better. And most importantly, pray, ask God for guidance and strength. What piece of advice would you give those who are about to exchange vows? Pat: Take a "Before You Say I Do" class. Living with someone, busting it open for someone, not enough information for you to make a forever decision. Stela: Are you sure you want this life? Lol joking! Make sure you really know the person well. Talk, talk a lot. Talk about what you both want in the future, talk about finances, how you plan on handling them, talk about children, how you plan on raising them. Those are the type of important things you want to make sure you both agree on or at least discuss prior to getting married. What is the most important thing to remember in balancing parenthood with marriage? Pat: Those kids will leave one day, & then you can be married again LOL Stela: Remember that your spouse comes first. I've seen lots of posts on fb or ig on who should come first, whether a spouse or a child and I'm baffled at some of the responses. Your spouse is supposed to be your life long partner. Your kids, they grow up and leave. So make sure your relationship is taken care of with the person you plan on growing old with. Of course this doesn't mean neglect your children lol it just means make time for each other. It's difficult, for sure, especially when your kids are young. This has been one of our biggest struggles, we don't have a lot of alone time without the kids. Patrick often complains about me not spending enough time with him. Im doing better though. Sometimes the kitchen may not be clean before going to bed, but at least we get to watch 1 or 2 episodes of The Office before going to bed together. And anyone that knows us knows that the kids are always with us. We often wish we had more family readily available to take over the kids once in a while so we could go on a date. So this is something we are still working on. How do you guys manage friendship? I recently talked to a friend about going on girls or guys trips when married. What is your take on these kind of things? Pat: Friendship outside of marriage is IMPERATIVE. If you let me tell it, with both genders. I have 17 girlfriends though. & 3-5 work wives depending on their attitudes that day lol it's important for men to spend time with other men. It's important for women to spend time with other women. Your best friend has your last name, great. However, companionship isn't limited to the person you exchanged vows with. Stela: I think it's completely fine. A couple should trust each other enough to do that and a couple should be smart enough to not do anything stupid while on a trip without each other. You guys bought a house this year! We always talk about people rushing milestones, because they feel they are supposed to obtain something within a particular time frame. When and how did you guys know a house was obtainable? Pat: This house running my pockets, the light bill past due. I don't wanna talk about that right now lol Stela: You gotta make sure your finances are right. We moved in with his parents for a whole year before buying our house to save and to pay off some debt. We didn't rush into buying a house right after getting married just because. It's more about financial stability than a timeline. What is next for you guys? Pat: Do we need a next? We good lol we focusing on these kids & this house. Stela: No idea really. Just living one day at a time. Does year 3 feel any different than day 1 of marriage? Pat: Year 3 feels different because year 1 was one kid. Year 3 is three kids. Year 4 will not have four kids! Stela: For sure it does. We are a family of 5 now versus a family of 3 back then! No, for the most part I think we just learn more about each other each day. It's pretty much a general consensus among our friend group that Stela trusts Pat more than any other woman we know. What is the secret for such high trust? Stela: Haha. This is a good one. Anyone that knows Patrick or is friends with him on social networks knows that he likes to flirt. A LOT. And he doesn't discriminate. He flirts the same way with the 25 year old on Facebook, as with my aunt, or the sweet 62 year old nurse at his job. This doesn't bother me. At one point early in our relationship, sure it did, I didn't know that's just how he naturally is. He doesn't do it to be malicious. I guess I trust him so much because he doesn't give me reason to not trust him. He's told me that some of his buddies are surprised when he's out with them playing poker til 3 am because I'm not blowing up his phone. IF I happen to wake up at that time (my sleep is too precious), my only concern is to make sure that he didn't get into a car accident and that he's still alive. That is always my first thought if he ever stays out too late. Communication is the biggest key to trust. We always know what we are doing, and we talk or text a lot. Like all day lol. Not to "check up" on each other, but because we simply like taking to each other. Anything else you'd like to share about marriage? Pat: Marriage isn't difficult, if the person you choose isn't difficult. People change. People grow. People regress. If you love them, strap in & give them support and encouragement even when they : are ugly, undeserving, unworthy & downright despicable. Don't let anybody else's perception or experience with marriage influence you. The negative views & opinions flow abundantly. 50% of all marriages end in divorce ? Got it. What I gathered is 50% of all marriages don't end in divorce. I'll see you @ the finish line! Stela: We don't have a perfect marriage, we argue, we annoy each other, Lord knows he annoys me often, but we move on. Mostly because Patrick won't let me be mad for more than 5 minutes, even when I've told him plenty of times that sometimes I need to be angry for more than 30 minutes lol. Am I the only one that has trouble getting out of anger? So we make it work, we make it work because we WANT to make it work.
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9/20/2017 03:55:24 pm
WAY TO GO POLCO LOLCO & STELA........ME & YOUR UNCLE ARE VERY PROUD OF Y'ALL......WE'RE KNOCKING AT THE BACK DOOR FOR 10YRS 8~8~2018 AND WE ARE STILL ON OUR HONEYMOON. I'M SURE YOU BOTH WILL BE LIKE THAT AS WELL IN 6 MORE YRS.... AUNTIE RI~RI WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY FOR YOU😄TWO🤵🏽👰🏽HAPPY💐ANNIVERSARY💐LUV Y'ALL😍
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AuthorsJust four married friends here to discuss relationships, life-changing events, parent-hood, religion, race & trending topics. Archives
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